DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN
Eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you clearly of how awful they were as teenagers, and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out
ST. MOMMA’S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering pre-schoolers unconscious for up to two days.
PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two large spoons swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence as well as prevents conception.
DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Significantly increases duration and credit limit of spending spree.
ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
NAGAMET
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, delivers exactly the same irritation level as nagging him, but without opening your mouth.
MENICILLIN
Specially formulated for lonely older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, “You make me want to be a better person. ” A potent anti-boy-otic.
FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of drivers by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN
Eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you clearly of how awful they were as teenagers, and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out
ST. MOMMA’S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering pre-schoolers unconscious for up to two days.
PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two large spoons swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence as well as prevents conception.
DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Significantly increases duration and credit limit of spending spree.
ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
NAGAMET
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, delivers exactly the same irritation level as nagging him, but without opening your mouth.
MENICILLIN
Specially formulated for lonely older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, “You make me want to be a better person. ” A potent anti-boy-otic.
FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of drivers by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
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