How I Was Born? IT Version

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

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You got Male!

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10 Signs You Love Someone

sure it’s true..!

10 signs you love someone

You feel shy whenever they're around.


You smile when you hear their voice.


When you look at them, you can't see
the other
people around you, you just see


They're all you think about.


You realize you're always smiling when
Looking at them.


You would do anything for them, just
to see them.


While reading this, there was one
person on your
mind this whole time.


You were so busy thinking about that
person, you
didnt notice number seven was missing


You just scrolled up to check & are
now silently
laughing at yourself.

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How to Survive an Alien Attack

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If You Are Seventy Years Old

If you were to live Seventy years perhaps you would spend:

24 years sleeping

14 years working

8 years in amusement

6 years at the dinner table

5 years in transportation

4 years in conversation

3 years in education

3 years reading

3 years watching television

So If you went to a place of worship every Sunday
and prayed 5 minutes every morning and night,
you would be giving Almighty Lord 5 months of your life.

So what is wrong in giving 5 months out of 70 years to the Lord
who gave you a full 70 years anyway?


BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : If w! e become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you m! ake me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the da! y time when we don't need it".

3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher". Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

9) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

10) ! Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

Why Men Don't Want to Go to The Doctor

A man speaks frantically into the phone,

"My wife is pregnant , and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot !" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"


Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.

Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.

Doctor: The lab called with your test results.

They said you have 24 hours to live.

Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE?

What's the very bad news?

Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.


"Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"

"Yes, of course..."

"Great! I never could before!"


A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there.

The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."

The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?"

And the man replies, "No, just spots."


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Blonde Crocodile Hunter

A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?"

She looked at him with her own sly smile and said "I was born and raised on a farm. I think I will"

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in
hand. As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her.

With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back.

Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration,

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Nice Quotes

Coaches who can outline plays on a black board are a dime a dozen.
The ones who win get inside their player and motivate.
Vince Lombardi

Emptiness is a symptom that you are not living creatively.
You either have no goal that is important enough to you,
you are not using your talents and efforts in a striving toward an important goal.
Maxwell Maltz

Those who are lifting the world upward and onward are those who encourage more than criticize.
Elizabeth Harrison

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain
it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.
Dale Carnegie

No pressure, no diamonds.
Mary Case

Things are not happening to you. Things are happening because of you.

It's been said that the only constant is change.
I don't agree with that.
There's another constant, and that's the desire for change.
Dr. Robert Maurer


[1] tell her she is Beautiful. not hot or fine.

[2] hold her hand at ANY moment even if it is just for a second.

[3] Kiss her on the forehead.

[4] leave her voice messages to wake up to.

[5] ALWAYS tell her you love her at any & and all times.

[6] when she is upset, hold her tight & tell her how much she means to u

[7] recognize the small things ..they usually mean the most.

[8] call her Sweetie or BABY

[9] Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is

[10] pick her over all the OTHER girls you hang out with

[11] write her notes. (she loves them)

[12] introduce her to family & friends as your girlfriend

[13] play with her hair.

[14] pick her up, tickle her, & play WRESTLE with her.

[15] sit in the park & just TALK to her.

[16] tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her joke

[17] throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night just because u missed her.

[18] let her fall asleep in your arms

[19] carve your names into a TREE.

[20] if she`s mad. Kiss her

[21] give her piggyback rides

[22] bring her flowers just because

[23] treat her the same around your friends as you do when you`re alone

[24] look her in the eyes & Smile

[25] let her take as many pictures as she wants

[26] SL0W DANCE with her, even if there isn't any music playing


[28] if you`re in love with her tell her
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