Learn To speak Chinese

Are you harboring a fugitive - Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me A.S.A.P. - Kum Hia Nao
Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni
Your price is too high - No Bai Dam Thing
Did you go to the beach - Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into a coffee table - Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift - Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed? - Hao Long Wei Ting?
That was an unauthorized execution. - Lin Ching
I thought you were on a diet - Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone. - No Pah King
You are not very bright - Yu So Dum
I got this for free - Ai No Pei
I am not guilty - Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer - Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week - Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived - Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight - Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka
Does this bathroom stink! - Hu Flung Dung?

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A Touching Speech

Eleven people - ten men and one woman – were clinging to a rope hanging from a helicopter. They decided one person had to let go or they would all die.

The woman gave a touching speech about how she would give up her life to save the others because females were used to making sacrifices for their husbands and childern and not receiving anything in rerturn.

When she finished speaking, all the men clapped.

Management Lessons

Story # 1

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.
Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"
Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more."
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"
The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.
Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"
The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.
Scene:
Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies
a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.

Moral :
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS
SUBORDINATES.

Management Lesson in the context of the working world :
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES


Story # 2
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"
They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"
The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.
Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd!"
Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"
Scene : As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.

Moral:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.

Management Lesson in the context of the working world:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT

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The Parrot

A man received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown, with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.

The man tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing
soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, the man put the parrot in the freezer.

For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then suddenly there was
quiet. Not a sound for half a minute. The man was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto the man's extended arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavor at once to correct my behavior.
I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness."

The man was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made
such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

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Secrets of a Happy married Life

Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect
to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

X asked, "Can you explain?"

Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my
wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's
decisions."

Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples"

Y said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much
amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air
conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep
a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

X asked, "Then what is your role?"

Y said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether
America should attack Iraq , whether Britain should lift sanction
over Zimbabwe , whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin
Tendulkar should retire etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER
objects to any of these".

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Pictures of Geek Culture

Read this doc on Scribd: Pictures of Geek Culture

Garbage Bags

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 note falls out onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her.... "Ma'am, there are $20 notes falling out of that bag ......
"Darn!" says the little old lady ..."I'd better go back and see if I Can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?

Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!" "So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper,and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say, "$20 or off it comes"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop.

"OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay."

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Why ZeroCal™?

Why ZeroCal™?

Australians consume an average of 1200 calories a day in excess of recommended levels*. Although recent focus in the public mind has been on the negative effects of fats, excess calories still contribute to the obesity epidemic in a major way.

How It Works

* The meals contain a large proportion of foods with negative calories (cauliflower, cucumbers, celery, garlic etc.) creating a calorie deficit.

* •Many high-calorie foods (like meat) are substituted with lower-calorie foods that are just as delicious (like seafood).

* •The remaining calories are erased through our proprietary CalBurnKnob™ technology. This is a knob on the takeaway box that's very hard to open (see picture below) – meaning you burn off the remainder just by opening the container!



How To Order

Click here to see restaurants that deliver ZeroCal™ meals to your area.

Note: This post is a special contribution to Candy, xxx@gmail.com, one of the blog readers that sent me this April fool's joke material. You can send me some of your own materials and get your link here. Just link to me. Happy April fool day everyone ;)

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