Have Fun Laughing

SMART INDIAN
>
>Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
>Son : "I will choose my own bride!!!"
>
>Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter.."
>Son : "Well, in that case...ok"
>
>Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
>
>Father: "I have a husband for
>your daughter...."
>
>Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!!!!!"
>
>Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
>
>Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
>
>Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
>
>Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
>
>President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
>
>Father: "But this
>young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
>
>President: "Ah, in that
>case...ok"
>
>That is how indians do
business.
>
>
>THE BEST JOKE AWARD
>
>One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and? He
saw
>Steven Spielberg.
>
>As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks
for
>his autograph.
>
>Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people
bombed our
>Pearl Harbor, get out of here."
>
>The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed
your
>Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese".
>
>"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied
Spielberg.
>
>In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap
>and says "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
>
>Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not
me."
>
>The Chinese replies, "Iceberg,
>Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the
same."
>
>
>LESSON 1
>
>A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to
a
>meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder
lamp.They
>rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
>
>The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are
>three, I will allow one wish each."
>
>So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to
be
>in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff, and he
was
>gone.
>Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be
>in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails."
Pfufffff,
>and he was also gone.
>
>The boss calmly said, "I want these two
>idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."
>
>*MORAL OF THE STORY: ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK
FIRST*
>
>
>LESSON 2
>
>Standing in front of a
>shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
>
>"Listen," said the CEO, "This is a very sensitive and important
document,
>and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
>
>"Certainly," said the young executive.
>
>He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start
button.
>
>"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside
>the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."
>
>*MORAL OF THE STORY: NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS
EVERYTHING*
>
>
>LESSON 3
>
>An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA.
The
>American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are
you?"
>
>The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you

>mean."
>
>The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the
Japanese was
>confused over the question.
>
>The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you
!?!"
>Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......???"
>
>The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese." A while later the
>Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind Of 'key' was
>he.
>
>The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee'
am I
>?!"
>
>The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
>
>*MORAL OF THE STORY: NEVER INSULT ANYONE*
>
>
>
>LESSON 4
>
>There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a
French, who
>found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie
>appeared.
>
>Thankful that the 4 guys had released
him out of the bottle, he said,
"Next
>to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When
you
>run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of
Water to
>become, then your wish will come true."
>
>The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and
>shouted"WINE". The pool immediately changed
>into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking
from
>the pool.
>
>Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and
>immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
>
>The German was next and he jumped and
>shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
>
>The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when
suddenly he
>slipped on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted,
>"SHIT!!!!!!!........."
>
>*MORAL OF THE STORY: THINK
TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE
>SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN*
>
>
>LESSON 5
>
>The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was
in
>charge. Each organ took a turn to
>speak up:
>
>Brain: I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
>
>Blood: I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.
>
>Stomach: I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.
>
>Legs: I should be in charge
>because I take the brain where it wants to go.
>
>Eyes: I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's
going.
>
>Asshole: I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.
>
>All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very
mad.
>
>To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and
>stayed that way for 6
days, refusing to rid the body of any waste
>whatsoever.
>
>Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
>Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
>Day 3 - Legs got
>cramps and became unstable
>Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
>Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body
>Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.
>
>*MORAL OF THE STORY: NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK
YOU
>ARE, YOU WILL FIND
>THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE "ASSHOLE" THAT IS IN CHARGE.*
>
>Have Fun Laughing!