10 Signs You Really Are Old

1. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
   
2. Turn off the lights for economical reasons, not romantic ones.
   
3. You read the obituaries to find eligible women.
   
4. Old ladies offer to help you cross the street.
   
5. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
   
6. The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
   
7. A beautiful girl walks by and nothing happens.
   
8. You have all the answers but nobody is asking you the questions.
   
9. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
   
10. All the names in your little black book end with MD (mentally deficient).

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Bus Incident

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That`s the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!"
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

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The Blond Flight Attendant

An airline captain was helping a new blond flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!"

"You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?"

She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

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