- You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
- Turn off the lights for economical reasons, not romantic ones.
- You read the obituaries to find eligible women.
- Old ladies offer to help you cross the street.
- Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
- The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
- A beautiful girl walks by and nothing happens.
- You have all the answers but nobody is asking you the questions.
- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
- All the names in your little black book end with MD (mentally deficient).
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
10 Signs You Really Are Old
Bus Incident
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That`s the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!"
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!"
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
The Blond Flight Attendant
An airline captain was helping a new blond flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.
She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!"
"You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?"
She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.
She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!"
"You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?"
She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
Double Talking Women
A husband shows his wife a study which indicates that on the average men use 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000.
The wife thinks about this and then tells her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. The husband turns from the paper and says, "What?"
The wife thinks about this and then tells her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. The husband turns from the paper and says, "What?"
Flying Turtle
Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
Pregnant Wife
A man frantically speaks into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" The doctor asks. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
Written Job Application
Two young men with equal qualifications apply for the same job. In order to determine which individual to hire, the manager gives them a written test. Both men score nine out of 10 on the test; however, the manager decides to go with the first applicant.
"Why would you do that?" asks the rejected second applicant. "We both got nine questions correct."
"Your fellow applicant wrote 'I don't know' for question five. You put down, 'Neither do I.'"
"Why would you do that?" asks the rejected second applicant. "We both got nine questions correct."
"Your fellow applicant wrote 'I don't know' for question five. You put down, 'Neither do I.'"
Cousin Jack Falls Apart
One friend was talking with another friend about his cousin who recently passed away. "By the time cousin Jack died he had a transplanted heart, a plastic hip joint, a plastic leg and a plastic arm."
"Where did they burry him?'"
"Duh - they didn't bury him, he was recycled!"
"Where did they burry him?'"
"Duh - they didn't bury him, he was recycled!"
Essential Desert Objects
A judge was punishing three men because they had committed a crime. Their sentence was a few years in the desert. He said that they could each take one thing with them. The first guy decides to take an umbrella, so that he can have shade whenever he wants. The second guy decides to take a water bottle so that he won't get thirsty. Finally, the third guy decides to take a car door.
The judge asked, "Why in the world would you want to take a car door?" The man replies, "Just in case it gets hot, I can roll down the window."
The judge asked, "Why in the world would you want to take a car door?" The man replies, "Just in case it gets hot, I can roll down the window."
Never Argue with a Woman
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book.
The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up along Side
the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'.
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, Isn't that obvious?).
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'.
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
MORAL
Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think.
Send this to four women/girls who are thinkers.
If you receive this, you know you're intelligent
The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up along Side
the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'.
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, Isn't that obvious?).
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'.
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
MORAL
Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think.
Send this to four women/girls who are thinkers.
If you receive this, you know you're intelligent
Obama Look Alike
This is Obama look alike from Indonesia. What do you think? Can he be a double for Obama to help the secret service protect the real Obama? :P
Is America Ready for Barack Obama?
Is America finally ready for a black pres id ent? That's a question many people are asking these days, as Senator Barack Obama takes the firststeps toward a potential run for the White House in 2008. Obama, 45, born in Hawaii to a Kenyan father and white American mother, is a popular figure and rising star in the Democratic Party, but faces several hurdle as he seeks to become the first pres id ent in U.S. history to understand what Jesse Jackson is saying. Perhaps the biggest hurdle will be his name, which some Americans are already confusing with another well-known name, as a CNN reporter discovered while interviewing people on the streets of New York .
Reporter: "What do you think of Barack Obama?"
M id dle-aged man: "I think we should be trying harder to capture him. What are we doing in Iraq when Obama is still out there, still a threat to America ?"
Reporter: "No, I mean Barack Obama from Chicago . What do you think of him?"
M id dle-aged man: "You mean he's in Chicago now? How d id he get into the country? Don't tell me he came through Mexico ! We really need to tighten our borders."
When it was revealed that Obama's m id dle name is Hussein, many more people were confused, as the CNN reporter found out on the streets of Atlanta .
Reporter: "What do you think of Barack Hussein Obama?"
Thirty-something man: "He got what was coming to him, that's all I can say. He committed crimes against humanity and got what he deserved. Idon'tf eel sorry for him at all."
Reporter: "No, I mean Barack Hussein Obama from Chicago ."
Thirty-something man: "You mean he was from Chicago ? How the heck d id he get to be pres id ent of Iraq ? Come to think of it, I d id notice a slight Chicago accent. Too bad he d id n't live for a few more weeks. He could have watched the Bears in the Super Bowl."
Barack Obama may seem like a fairly easy name to remember, but even some of his supporters are h avi ng trouble with it, as the CNN reporter discovered on the streets of Chicago .
Reporter: "May I ask whom you plan to vote for in 2008?"
Twenty-year- old man: "I really like that guy, what's his name, Obrack Barama."
Reporter: "What about you, Sir? Who gets your vote in 2008?"
Nineteen-year- old man: "Your Mama."
Reporter: "Pardon me?"
Nineteen-year- old man: "Broke Your Mama. That's who I'm voting for.Broke Your Mama."
Reporter: "Oh, I see. And what about you, Miss?"
Twenty-one-year- old woman: "Me? I'm voting for ... uh ... Baroque Alabama".
Obama may overcome the confusion and concerns over his name, but it'll be harder to overcome racism. I'd like to think that the majority of Americans and certainly the vast majority of the younger generation --don't have a racist bone in their bodies or are at least taking medication for it. But it often takes just a small number of votes to sway an election. The 2004 pres id ential election was so close, John Kerry would have beaten George Bush if he had merely convinced everyone named 'John' to vote for him. The 2000 election was even closer. Al Gore would have beaten Bush if he had merely convinced Larry King's ex-wives to vote for him. If Obama gets the Democratic Party's nomination, bus loads of white supremacists may show up at the polls.
Reporter: "May I ask whom you're voting for?"
Supremacist: "What kind of (bleep) question is that? The white guy, of course."
Reporter: "So you agree with him about Iraq ?"
Supremacist: "Of course I do.. Our country doesn't need Iraq Boboma --or whatever his name is."
Reporter: "What do you think of Barack Obama?"
M id dle-aged man: "I think we should be trying harder to capture him. What are we doing in Iraq when Obama is still out there, still a threat to America ?"
Reporter: "No, I mean Barack Obama from Chicago . What do you think of him?"
M id dle-aged man: "You mean he's in Chicago now? How d id he get into the country? Don't tell me he came through Mexico ! We really need to tighten our borders."
When it was revealed that Obama's m id dle name is Hussein, many more people were confused, as the CNN reporter found out on the streets of Atlanta .
Reporter: "What do you think of Barack Hussein Obama?"
Thirty-something man: "He got what was coming to him, that's all I can say. He committed crimes against humanity and got what he deserved. Idon'tf eel sorry for him at all."
Reporter: "No, I mean Barack Hussein Obama from Chicago ."
Thirty-something man: "You mean he was from Chicago ? How the heck d id he get to be pres id ent of Iraq ? Come to think of it, I d id notice a slight Chicago accent. Too bad he d id n't live for a few more weeks. He could have watched the Bears in the Super Bowl."
Barack Obama may seem like a fairly easy name to remember, but even some of his supporters are h avi ng trouble with it, as the CNN reporter discovered on the streets of Chicago .
Reporter: "May I ask whom you plan to vote for in 2008?"
Twenty-year- old man: "I really like that guy, what's his name, Obrack Barama."
Reporter: "What about you, Sir? Who gets your vote in 2008?"
Nineteen-year- old man: "Your Mama."
Reporter: "Pardon me?"
Nineteen-year- old man: "Broke Your Mama. That's who I'm voting for.Broke Your Mama."
Reporter: "Oh, I see. And what about you, Miss?"
Twenty-one-year- old woman: "Me? I'm voting for ... uh ... Baroque Alabama".
Obama may overcome the confusion and concerns over his name, but it'll be harder to overcome racism. I'd like to think that the majority of Americans and certainly the vast majority of the younger generation --don't have a racist bone in their bodies or are at least taking medication for it. But it often takes just a small number of votes to sway an election. The 2004 pres id ential election was so close, John Kerry would have beaten George Bush if he had merely convinced everyone named 'John' to vote for him. The 2000 election was even closer. Al Gore would have beaten Bush if he had merely convinced Larry King's ex-wives to vote for him. If Obama gets the Democratic Party's nomination, bus loads of white supremacists may show up at the polls.
Reporter: "May I ask whom you're voting for?"
Supremacist: "What kind of (bleep) question is that? The white guy, of course."
Reporter: "So you agree with him about Iraq ?"
Supremacist: "Of course I do.. Our country doesn't need Iraq Boboma --or whatever his name is."
The Wrinkled Nightgown
A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary,
so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown.
Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"
so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown.
Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"
Can You Figure These Out?
- A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years.
Which room is safest for him? - A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for Over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together.
How can this be? - What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?
- Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?
- This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.
Try to do so without any coaching!
DON'T PEEK...
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
ANSWERS:
- The third. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.
- The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it and hung it up to dry.
- Charcoal
- Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!
- The letter "e," which is the most common letter in the English language, does not appear once in the long paragraph
WHY AM I MARRIED?
You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
__________
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'
__________
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'
__________
When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
__________
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .
__________
A little boy asked his father,
'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
__________
A young son asked,
'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'
__________
Then there was a woman who said,
'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late.'
__________
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
__________
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
__________
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
__________
First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
__________
'A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death'
__________
AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'
The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.'
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
__________
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'
__________
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'
__________
When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
__________
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .
__________
A little boy asked his father,
'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
__________
A young son asked,
'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'
__________
Then there was a woman who said,
'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late.'
__________
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
__________
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
__________
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
__________
First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
__________
'A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death'
__________
AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'
The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.'
Marriage Anecdote
01 Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.
02 The most effective way to remember your spouse's birthday is to forget it once.
03 Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now, I catch her in my pockets.
04 Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.
05 For a lot of people, marriage is a three-ring circus. You have the engagement-ring, the wedding-ring, and the suffe-ring.
06 Married life is very frustrating!! In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
07 After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
08 When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
09 A man rushed home from work and exclaimed to his wife, "Pack your bags. I've won the lottery!" The wife excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?" He says,
"Pack'em all, you're leaving!"
10 A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and
drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!"
11 Both of my marriages have been disappointing. My first wife left me and my second one didn't.
12 A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it, because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
13 A true music lover is a man who puts his ear to the key hole to listen to a beautiful woman singing in the tub.
14 Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
15 NEWLYWED: Do you want dinner? SPOUSE: Sure, what are my choices? NEWLYWED: Yes and no.
02 The most effective way to remember your spouse's birthday is to forget it once.
03 Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now, I catch her in my pockets.
04 Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.
05 For a lot of people, marriage is a three-ring circus. You have the engagement-ring, the wedding-ring, and the suffe-ring.
06 Married life is very frustrating!! In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
07 After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
08 When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
09 A man rushed home from work and exclaimed to his wife, "Pack your bags. I've won the lottery!" The wife excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?" He says,
"Pack'em all, you're leaving!"
10 A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and
drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!"
11 Both of my marriages have been disappointing. My first wife left me and my second one didn't.
12 A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it, because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
13 A true music lover is a man who puts his ear to the key hole to listen to a beautiful woman singing in the tub.
14 Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
15 NEWLYWED: Do you want dinner? SPOUSE: Sure, what are my choices? NEWLYWED: Yes and no.
School Jokes
Teacher : Name two days of the week that start with "t".
Student : Today and Tommorow
Knock
Knock
Who's there?
Dewey
Dewey who?
Dewey have to go to school today?
Today my teacher yelled at me for something that I didn't do
What was that?
My homework
:P
Teacher: James where is your homework?
James : I ate it
Teacher: WHY?
James : Because you said it was a piece of cake!
Student : Today and Tommorow
Knock
Knock
Who's there?
Dewey
Dewey who?
Dewey have to go to school today?
Today my teacher yelled at me for something that I didn't do
What was that?
My homework
:P
Teacher: James where is your homework?
James : I ate it
Teacher: WHY?
James : Because you said it was a piece of cake!
Little Johnny Stands Up
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
The Fortune Teller
During a recent publicity outing, Jennifer sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.
"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Jennifer stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.
"Will I be acquitted?"
"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Jennifer stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.
"Will I be acquitted?"
Wedding Jokes
A little girl at a wedding asked, "Mommy, why do brides always wear white?"
The mom replied, "Because they're happy, dear."
Halfway through the wedding the girl whispered, "Mommy, if brides wear white because they're happy, then why do men wear black?"
---------------------------------
A man will pay two-dollars for a one-dollar item he needs, but a woman will pay one-dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't need.
---------------------------------
A woman worries about her future until she finds a husband, but a man never worries about the future until he takes a wife.
---------------------------------
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend, but a successful woman is one who can find such a man!!!
The mom replied, "Because they're happy, dear."
Halfway through the wedding the girl whispered, "Mommy, if brides wear white because they're happy, then why do men wear black?"
---------------------------------
A man will pay two-dollars for a one-dollar item he needs, but a woman will pay one-dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't need.
---------------------------------
A woman worries about her future until she finds a husband, but a man never worries about the future until he takes a wife.
---------------------------------
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend, but a successful woman is one who can find such a man!!!
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