1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.
7) I will read a book... if I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me about their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!
What's Your Name?
After one of the machines at work suddenly went on the fritz, our boss called the repair service and asked to speak to the manager, Ahmed.
"Hello, Ed speaking. How can I help you?" said the guy who answered the phone.
"Sorry," said my boss. "I was looking for Ahmed."
"This is Ahmed," came the reply. "How can I help you?"
"I thought you just said your name was Ed." asked my boss.
"It is. But whenever I say 'Ahmed,' people think I'm saying, 'I'm Ed,' so I figured it's just easier to be Ed!"
"Hello, Ed speaking. How can I help you?" said the guy who answered the phone.
"Sorry," said my boss. "I was looking for Ahmed."
"This is Ahmed," came the reply. "How can I help you?"
"I thought you just said your name was Ed." asked my boss.
"It is. But whenever I say 'Ahmed,' people think I'm saying, 'I'm Ed,' so I figured it's just easier to be Ed!"
Nine Words Women Use
1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying &*^$ YOU!
9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.
Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.
2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying &*^$ YOU!
9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.
Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.
I Love You SMS
I am opening an emotional bank account for u sweetheart,so deposit your love in it and you will get the interest
==================================
if i could die early i would ask God if i could be your guardian angel, so i could wrap my wings around you and embraces you whenever you feel alone...
==================================
it is hard to talk when your in love because when i look into your beautiful eyes i get my breath taken away
==================================
R.for red ,red for blood ,blood for heart, heart for love, love for u ,u for me, me is u , I love u
==================================
Ur my strength, My luv, My heart.Ur luvn touch i long 4 so mch,Ur voice so softly dat whispers i'm ur's 4ever b mine my baby "I LOVE U"
==================================
ill drop a tear drop into the ocean & the day i find that tear drop is the day i stop loving u!
==================================
baby i have an addiction problem.people say i shud go to rehab but I always tell them i dont wanna go cause im addicted to ... YOU
==================================
if i could die early i would ask God if i could be your guardian angel, so i could wrap my wings around you and embraces you whenever you feel alone...
==================================
it is hard to talk when your in love because when i look into your beautiful eyes i get my breath taken away
==================================
R.for red ,red for blood ,blood for heart, heart for love, love for u ,u for me, me is u , I love u
==================================
Ur my strength, My luv, My heart.Ur luvn touch i long 4 so mch,Ur voice so softly dat whispers i'm ur's 4ever b mine my baby "I LOVE U"
==================================
ill drop a tear drop into the ocean & the day i find that tear drop is the day i stop loving u!
==================================
baby i have an addiction problem.people say i shud go to rehab but I always tell them i dont wanna go cause im addicted to ... YOU
Little Girl
One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!"
The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.
The little girl replied, ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.
The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties."
''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"
The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."
The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is...''
Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.''
The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.
The little girl replied, ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.
The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties."
''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"
The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."
The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is...''
Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.''
technorati tags: joke, adult, adult+humor, funny
What is Love?
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"
The answers got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:
____________________
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebbecca- age 8
____________________
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4
____________________
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5
____________________
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6
____________________
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4
____________________
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7
____________________
"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8
____________________
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
____________________
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
____________________
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7
____________________
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6
____________________
"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared.. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8
____________________
"My mommy loves me more than anybody .
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6
____________________
"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5
____________________
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7
____________________
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4
____________________
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4
____________________
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)
Karen - age 7
____________________
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8
The answers got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:
____________________
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebbecca- age 8
____________________
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4
____________________
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5
____________________
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6
____________________
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4
____________________
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7
____________________
"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8
____________________
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
____________________
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
____________________
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7
____________________
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6
____________________
"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared.. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8
____________________
"My mommy loves me more than anybody .
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6
____________________
"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5
____________________
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7
____________________
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4
____________________
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4
____________________
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)
Karen - age 7
____________________
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8
technorati tags: love, funny, kids, kid, child, joke, relationship
Women Strike Back :)
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt,seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "Whatsetting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
"It'sjust too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of theshower, "honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowedthe lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour.
Dear Lord,
Ipray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patiencefor his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him todeath.
AMEN
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manual."
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And they say blondes are dumb...
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
"It'sjust too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of theshower, "honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowedthe lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour.
Dear Lord,
Ipray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patiencefor his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him todeath.
AMEN
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manual."
technorati tags: joke, humor, funny, blond
Easy Question But Difficult answer
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.
The mechanic shouted across the garage,”Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute.” The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, “So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind ‘em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new
one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work?” The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic …..
(Guess……….. what doctor would have said ??).
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Please try to find out your own answer…
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Here is the answer…
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He said : “Try to do it when the engine is running”.. Some times small and easy questions hav difficult but logical answers..
The mechanic shouted across the garage,”Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute.” The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, “So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind ‘em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new
one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work?” The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic …..
(Guess……….. what doctor would have said ??).
.
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.
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Please try to find out your own answer…
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Here is the answer…
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He said : “Try to do it when the engine is running”..
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