In Life we get Answers i n Three ways,
Sometimes: YES and we get Whatever we Want,
Sometimes: NO and we get Something Better
Sometimes: Wait and we get the Best
"Don't just Dream. Live your Dream."
"Remember, every minute spent in anger is sixty seconds of happiness wasted."
How To Know Your Mobile is Original or Not?
Would like to know your mobile is original or not?!
Type : * # 06 #
After you enter the code you will see a new code contain 15 digits:
4 3 4 5 6 6 1 0 6 7 8 9 4 3 5
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is
02 or 20 that mean it was Assembly on
Asia which is very Bad quality :
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is
08 or 80 that mean its manufactured
in Germany which is not bad
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is
01 or 10 that mean its manufactured
in Finland which is Good.
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is
00 that mean its manufactured in
France which is the best Mobile Quality .... :
............ ...... Try it.......... ........
Type : * # 06 #
After you enter the code you will see a new code contain 15 digits:
4 3 4 5 6 6 1 0 6 7 8 9 4 3 5
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is
02 or 20 that mean it was Assembly on
Asia which is very Bad quality :
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is
08 or 80 that mean its manufactured
in Germany which is not bad
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is
01 or 10 that mean its manufactured
in Finland which is Good.
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is
00 that mean its manufactured in
France which is the best Mobile Quality .... :
............ ...... Try it.......... ........
technorati tags: mobile, mobile+phone, hp, handphone, phone, ponsel, pda, smartphone, pdaphone, gadget
Strange Facts About The Human Body
Every single day you, unless you are already bald, will lose as many as 100 strands of hair – that’s 36,500 in a year. This is rather worrying as the average human scalp has 100,000 hairs.
A sneeze can blast out of your nose at a speed greater 100 mph
THE ASHES OF THE AVERAGE CREMATED PERSON WEIGHS 9 POUNDS
The human body can survive longer without food than without sleep. While starvation takes a few weeks you would die after about 10 days without sleep.
An average human drinks about 16, 000 gallons of water in a lifetime.
Babies are born with 300 bones, but by adulthood we have only 206 in our bodies.
Your heart beats some 37,000,000 times in a year. During your life it’s will beat some two-and-a-half billion times.
Every square inch of your body is populated by an about 32 million bacteria.
Your largest internal organ is the small intestine at an average length of 20 feet. If cut into pasta size pieces it would serve four.
85% of your brain is water.
Three-hundred-million cells die in the human body every minute.
The largest human organ is the skin, with a surface area of about 25 square feet.
Humans shed about 600,000 particles of skin every hour - about 1.5 pounds a year. By 70 years of age, an average person will have lost 105 pounds of skin.
Humans shed and regrow outer skin cells about every 27 days - almost 1,000 new skins in a lifetime.
It takes 17 muscles to smile --- 43 to frown.
The average duration of sexual intercourse for humans is 2 minutes. – see pigs
It is impossible to kill yourself by holding your breath.
The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30 feet.
You blink about 84 million times in a year.
When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop-- even your heart!
40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2 -6 years old.
In the course of a lifetime the average person will grow 2 Metres of nose hair.
Ladies in nudist camps tend to use more makeup than ladies elsewhere.
A team of medical experts in Virginia contends you're more likely to catch the common cold virus by shaking hands than by kissing.
The human tooth has 55 miles of canal in it.
Nerve impulses to and from the brain travel as fast as 170 miles per hour.
People have legs of slightly different lengths.
The average cough comes out the mouth at 60 mph.
Men / women The average person speaks about 31,500 words per day.
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
It is estimated that at any one time, 0.7% of the world's population are drunk.
Number of times intestines can wrap round
A sneeze can blast out of your nose at a speed greater 100 mph
THE ASHES OF THE AVERAGE CREMATED PERSON WEIGHS 9 POUNDS
The human body can survive longer without food than without sleep. While starvation takes a few weeks you would die after about 10 days without sleep.
An average human drinks about 16, 000 gallons of water in a lifetime.
Babies are born with 300 bones, but by adulthood we have only 206 in our bodies.
Your heart beats some 37,000,000 times in a year. During your life it’s will beat some two-and-a-half billion times.
Every square inch of your body is populated by an about 32 million bacteria.
Your largest internal organ is the small intestine at an average length of 20 feet. If cut into pasta size pieces it would serve four.
85% of your brain is water.
Three-hundred-million cells die in the human body every minute.
The largest human organ is the skin, with a surface area of about 25 square feet.
Humans shed about 600,000 particles of skin every hour - about 1.5 pounds a year. By 70 years of age, an average person will have lost 105 pounds of skin.
Humans shed and regrow outer skin cells about every 27 days - almost 1,000 new skins in a lifetime.
It takes 17 muscles to smile --- 43 to frown.
The average duration of sexual intercourse for humans is 2 minutes. – see pigs
It is impossible to kill yourself by holding your breath.
The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30 feet.
You blink about 84 million times in a year.
When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop-- even your heart!
40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2 -6 years old.
In the course of a lifetime the average person will grow 2 Metres of nose hair.
Ladies in nudist camps tend to use more makeup than ladies elsewhere.
A team of medical experts in Virginia contends you're more likely to catch the common cold virus by shaking hands than by kissing.
The human tooth has 55 miles of canal in it.
Nerve impulses to and from the brain travel as fast as 170 miles per hour.
People have legs of slightly different lengths.
The average cough comes out the mouth at 60 mph.
Men / women The average person speaks about 31,500 words per day.
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
It is estimated that at any one time, 0.7% of the world's population are drunk.
Number of times intestines can wrap round
Never loose an opportunity
A Young man wished to marry the Farmer's Beautiful Daughter.
He went to the Farmer to ask his permission.
The Farmer looked him over and said, "Son, Go stand out in that field.
I'm going to release three bulls, one at a time. If you can catch the tail of any one of the three bulls,
you can marry my daughter."
The young man stood in the pasture awaiting the first bull. The barn door opened and out ran the biggest,
meanest-looking bull he had ever seen.
He decided that one of the next bulls had to be a better choice than this one,
so he ran over to the side and let t he bull pass through the pasture out the back gate.
The barn door opened again. Unbelievable. He had never seen anything so big and fierce in his life.
It stood pawing the ground, grunting, slinging slobber as it eyed him. Whatever the next bull was like,
it had to be a better choice than this one. He ran to the fence and let the bull pass through
the pasture, out the back gate.
The door opened a third time. a smile came a cross his face. This was the Weakest, scrawniest
little bull he had ever seen. This one was his bull. As the bull came running by, he positioned himself
just right and jumped at just the exact moment.
He Grabbed...
But The Bull Had No Tail!
Moral Of the story: Life Is Full Of Opportunities.
Some Will Be Easy To Take Advantage Of,
Some Will Be Difficult.
But Once We Let Them Pass (Often In Hopes Of Something Better),
Those Opportunities May Never Again Be Available.
So Always Grab The First Opportunity . . ..
He went to the Farmer to ask his permission.
The Farmer looked him over and said, "Son, Go stand out in that field.
I'm going to release three bulls, one at a time. If you can catch the tail of any one of the three bulls,
you can marry my daughter."
The young man stood in the pasture awaiting the first bull. The barn door opened and out ran the biggest,
meanest-looking bull he had ever seen.
He decided that one of the next bulls had to be a better choice than this one,
so he ran over to the side and let t he bull pass through the pasture out the back gate.
The barn door opened again. Unbelievable. He had never seen anything so big and fierce in his life.
It stood pawing the ground, grunting, slinging slobber as it eyed him. Whatever the next bull was like,
it had to be a better choice than this one. He ran to the fence and let the bull pass through
the pasture, out the back gate.
The door opened a third time. a smile came a cross his face. This was the Weakest, scrawniest
little bull he had ever seen. This one was his bull. As the bull came running by, he positioned himself
just right and jumped at just the exact moment.
He Grabbed...
But The Bull Had No Tail!
Moral Of the story: Life Is Full Of Opportunities.
Some Will Be Easy To Take Advantage Of,
Some Will Be Difficult.
But Once We Let Them Pass (Often In Hopes Of Something Better),
Those Opportunities May Never Again Be Available.
So Always Grab The First Opportunity . . ..
Grandma's Boyfriend
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said,
"Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister.
The minister said, "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
The minister fainted.
"Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister.
The minister said, "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
The minister fainted.
technorati tags: adult+humor, adult+joke, funny, humor, joke
Reason Why Never Visit a 5 Star Hotel
Question : " What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"
Answer: " tea please "
Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "
Question : "How would you like it ? Black or white ?"
Answer: "white"
Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ? "
Answer: "With milk "
Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"
Answer: "With cow milk please.
Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "
Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey? "
Answer: "With sugar"
Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"
Answer: "Cane sugar "
Question:" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"
Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."
Question: "Mineral water or still water ? "
Answer: "Mineral water"
Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst
Answer: " tea please "
Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "
Question : "How would you like it ? Black or white ?"
Answer: "white"
Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ? "
Answer: "With milk "
Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"
Answer: "With cow milk please.
Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "
Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey? "
Answer: "With sugar"
Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"
Answer: "Cane sugar "
Question:" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"
Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."
Question: "Mineral water or still water ? "
Answer: "Mineral water"
Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst
technorati tags: humor, funny, joke, jokes
INTERESTING YET FUNNY
* You can become an engineer if u study in Engineering college .. U cannot become a president if u study in Presidency College !
************
* You can expect a BUS from a BUS stop... You cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop.
************
* A mechanical engineer can become a mechanic but a software engineer cannot become a software!
************
* You can find keys in Key board but you cannot find mother in mother board.
************
* You can study and get any certificates. .. But you cannot get your death certificate.
************
************
* You can expect a BUS from a BUS stop... You cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop.
************
* A mechanical engineer can become a mechanic but a software engineer cannot become a software!
************
* You can find keys in Key board but you cannot find mother in mother board.
************
* You can study and get any certificates. .. But you cannot get your death certificate.
************
technorati tags: funny, jokes, humor, joke
Too Much Talking
Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good, mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom:
"Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back:
"Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."
"Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back:
"Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."
Internet Parking Ticket
Offender : You!
Date: Today
Offense #ZD101FB608 : In Front Of The Computer TOO LONG!
Details of Offense :
During our routine sweep of the Internet we, the Internet Police,
have discovered that you have been on your chair in front of the
computer TOO LONG!
You are HEREBY ORDERED to clean up that pile of cups, cans,
wrappers and papers on your desk (yes, we can see you - sit up
straight!) and after you have logged into the real world for a
minimum of ten minutes you may log back on to the Internet.
Failure to comply may result in loss of reality, carpal tunnel
syndrome, and the requirement of a larger chair. The timer starts
NOW! Get off your butt - you'll thank us for it later.
Date: Today
Offense #ZD101FB608 : In Front Of The Computer TOO LONG!
Details of Offense :
During our routine sweep of the Internet we, the Internet Police,
have discovered that you have been on your chair in front of the
computer TOO LONG!
You are HEREBY ORDERED to clean up that pile of cups, cans,
wrappers and papers on your desk (yes, we can see you - sit up
straight!) and after you have logged into the real world for a
minimum of ten minutes you may log back on to the Internet.
Failure to comply may result in loss of reality, carpal tunnel
syndrome, and the requirement of a larger chair. The timer starts
NOW! Get off your butt - you'll thank us for it later.
Glass & Lake
Once an unhappy young man came to an old master and told he was very sad and asked for a solution. The old Master instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it. "How does it taste?" the Master asked. "Awful," spat the apprentice. The Master chuckled and then asked the young man to take another handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and when the apprentice swirled his handful of salt into the lake, the old man said, "Now drink from the lake."
As the water dripped down the young man's chin, the Master asked, "How does it taste?" "Good!" remarked the apprentice. "Do you taste the salt?" asked the Master.
"No," said the young man. The Master sat beside this troubled young man, took his hands, and said, "The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount we taste the 'pain' depends on the container we put it into. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things ..... Stop being a glass. Become a lake!"
As the water dripped down the young man's chin, the Master asked, "How does it taste?" "Good!" remarked the apprentice. "Do you taste the salt?" asked the Master.
"No," said the young man. The Master sat beside this troubled young man, took his hands, and said, "The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount we taste the 'pain' depends on the container we put it into. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things ..... Stop being a glass. Become a lake!"
technorati tags: motivation,, moral,, story,, virtue
Uncured Cold
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.
On his third visit the doctor told the man, "Go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing throw open all the windows and stand in the draft."
"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."
"I know," said the doctor, "I can cure pneumonia."
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.
On his third visit the doctor told the man, "Go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing throw open all the windows and stand in the draft."
"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."
"I know," said the doctor, "I can cure pneumonia."
technorati tags: joke, funny, humor
How men get into trouble
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, " Why are you crying?"
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe? " the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
******
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.
"Is this your wife? " the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord.. It is a misunderstanding.
You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez , You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.
Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez ."
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe? " the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
******
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.
"Is this your wife? " the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord.. It is a misunderstanding.
You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez , You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.
Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez ."
technorati tags: joke, funny, humor,
IF MEN GOT PREGNANT
- Maternity leave would last two years... With full pay.
- There would be a cure for stretch marks.
- Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
- Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.
- All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
- Children would be kept in the hospital until
toilet trained. - Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
- They wouldn't think twins were so cute.
- Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM
- Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
- Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.
- They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
- Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entrees.
- Women would rule the world!!
technorati tags: joke, funny, humor,
Funny SAT Answers
The following questions and answers were collated from the SAT tests Given to 16 years-old students! Don't laugh too hard -- one of them Could become president one day! You have to admit some are very Creative, though.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
Drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
Pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the ocean?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
Tends to flow toward the moon because there is no water on the moon
And nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this
Fight.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen).
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax
And the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax
Contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the
Five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraption by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section"
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman Emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like
Umbrellas.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
And just think, one day America social security payments will depend on These kids!!
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
Drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
Pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the ocean?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
Tends to flow toward the moon because there is no water on the moon
And nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this
Fight.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen).
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax
And the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax
Contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the
Five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraption by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section"
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman Emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like
Umbrellas.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
And just think, one day America social security payments will depend on These kids!!
technorati tags: funny, joke, humor
Teasing
A woman gets on a bus, as she passes the driver he grabs his throat and makes choking noises. The woman starts crying and hits the driver with her purse. A few minutes later the buzzer goes off and the lady passes the driver as she is getting off the bus.
The driver again grabs his throat and makes choking noises.
The lady starts crying and again hits the driver with her purse.
A passenger sitting behind the driver whose curiosity has gotten the better of him asked the driver, "What is that all about?"
The driver replies, "Oh, her daughter hanged herself last night and I'm just teasing her."
The driver again grabs his throat and makes choking noises.
The lady starts crying and again hits the driver with her purse.
A passenger sitting behind the driver whose curiosity has gotten the better of him asked the driver, "What is that all about?"
The driver replies, "Oh, her daughter hanged herself last night and I'm just teasing her."
25 Tips to Become More Productive and Happy at Work
Have you gotten into a rut at work? Would you like to be more engaged, satisfied, and fulfilled in your work? Would you like to be more productive and feel a greater sense of accomplishment at the end of each day? Well you can. It just takes a desire and commitment to renew your habits and routines. Follow these tips and you’ll see your work life improve. And that improvement will trickle into the rest of your life too.
1. Power Question. Keep a question like this at your desk to help you stay focused: “Am I making the most of my time right now?” or “Is this the most productive use of my time?”
2. Accept That You’ll Never Finish Your Task List. For perfectionists and overachievers this is as frustrating as a greyhound forever chasing the mechanical bunny around the track. Get off that track. Just make sure you work on your most important stuff first. Let the fluff slide, not your priorities.
3. Turn off Your Computer. “What?!” you say. “Everything is done on my computer!” Well is it really? What percentage truly is? Plan to have your computer on only for that amount of time each day. Plan out blocks of time for different computer tasks and work from a checklist to keep you focused. Giving your eyes a rest from the screen will give you more energy for creating. Even if you just close your eyes as you think of a response to an email can help too.
4. Do not Check Email First Thing. Unless this is required in your job, then let it go until after you have completed your top priority of the day. And then process email in batches, say two or three times a day.
5. Take Breaks. It is a fact that taking breaks will increase productivity. It has been proven in studies. If you need to, find someone to help ensure you take a morning and afternoon break.
6. Make the Most of Your Commute. How do you spend your commute? Make it positive time. Use it for reading, writing, creative thinking, creative projects, listen to audio books, or, heck, write your own book! If you enjoy your commute, that happiness will spill over into how you feel at work.
7. Planning. Establish a routine of planning your week and your day. This will allow you to have your most productive week all the time. Start your day an extra 15 minutes early to do this planning everyday. Write down the top 1-3 important things you must do that day. Plan your upcoming week on Sunday evening. The weekly plan does not have to be extremely detailed. Just include the major items.
8. Drop Unimportant Tasks. Delegate or delete the non-essential items from your to-do list. The best way to do this is to always do your most important things first. Somehow, miraculously, extraneous things will fall away.
9. Transitions. Make sure you plan in enough time between activities and appointments, and find ways to fail proof being on time.
10. Choose Happiness, Humor, Enthusiasm, Gratitude, Kindness, and a Positive Outlook. Being productive and competitive in business does not mean that you have to be serious all the time. Smiling does not mean you are not working hard. Enthusiasm does not mean you are not competitive. Being positive does not mean you are blind to challenges. Choose to enjoy your time at work. Find others who are like this and spread good cheer. It is contagious and it grows. Try to avoid gossip and negative chat. It can be tempting, but it does not serve anyone well, including yourself.
11. Cultivate Compassion for Negative Coworkers. People who are negative are that way for a reason. They may have difficulties you do not know about. Try to be compassionate and non-judging. If you are a manager, people still need to meet benchmarks, but you do not have to dislike them if they are not cutting it. When you encounter a negative person, you have the choice to either be affected by the negativity or to be the one who influences the other person. It is a decision. Choose to stay positive. Instead of saying (in your head or out loud) “Oh, that Suzy-Q! Her negativity always ruins my day,” try thinking “Poor Suzy-Q. She must have some difficulties. I wish her peace. In spite of her negativity I will try to be a positive influence around her.”
12. Pace Yourself, Especially on Bad Days. Go slow. Do not be in a hurry. Just take one thing at a time and keep moving forward. If you are having a really low day, you might even want to take care of yourself by playing hooky!
13. Take Everything in Stride. Deadlines, tough bosses, rude clients, slow computers. Do not make them into large dramas. Do not lament the challenges of the world. Simply accept that they are there, and just keep moving forward.
14. Conflicts with Others. Let your goal be “to make progress.” Do not get caught up in trying to “be right” or to “win” the argument. That will just slow you down. In your mind ask yourself, “what will move this conflict forward right now?” And then get busy doing that.
15. Take Your Vacation Time. Try doing something different. If you always go on a trip, try taking a more local vacation, and really get some good rest time. Or if you always stay local, try visiting a new place. Variety is one of the keys to happiness.
16. Pick Your Battles. Cliche, but true. It is kind of like “The Boy Who Cried Wolf.” When you complain or fight on everything, then your power to ask for things is diminished. Save it up for when you really need it.
17. Share Your Results. This is not about bragging, but about ensuring that you get credit for the hard work you do. Do not keep quiet thinking that the right people know what you are doing. Speak up and find ways to let the right people know how you are contributing to the success of the company.
18. Ask for Help. Do not be afraid to collaborate with others. Do not wait for your company to tell you what to do. Think creatively about how you can work with others to generate a greater result than if you had each worked on this alone.
19. Face the Tough Stuff Head On. If there is something difficult that you must do, just bite the bullet and do it. Do not put it off. Do it first thing in the day. It is like jumping into a cold pool. Just count to three and do it!
20. Ask for More Time. If you are asked a question that stumps you or surprises you, never feel like you have to answer it right away. (unless you absolutely must) Seek more time to think about or research your answer. Simple as this, “I’ll have to get back to you with an answer later.” This will save you from giving an answer you will regret.
21. Breaking Negative Habits. For one day, observe yourself. Where do you face difficulties? With people? Certain people? Certain circumstances? Take notice and then later on during some quiet time, think about one or two things you would like to work on. Set up some kind of reminder system to fail proof it, such as a simple yellow sticky note next to your computer.
22. Learn from Criticism. Do not immediately reject critiques from others, even if you do not like or respect them. Sometimes people you do not like may be giving you more honest feedback than you can get from others. Do not take it personally. Even if it is personal, who cares? Listen, process, and then decide what positive action you might want to take.
23. Adapt. Adaptation is the number one survival skill of living organisms. Those that do not adapt, become extinct. In the work world, the same is true for companies, whole groups, and for individuals. Be open to change. Give it a chance. Adapt to new things while using your experience to guide you, and you will have great success.
24. Learning and Improving. Always be on the lookout for opportunities to learn and improve your skills. Look for good seminars and training. Then ask work if you can attend and will they pay for your admission. If your company pays for education, use it! Borrow books from your local library, the company library, or even from your boss. Borrow some motivational audio tapes from your local library. Keep learning to continually renew your enthusiasm.
25. Creative Thinking. Is your job boring? If so, take some responsibility in changing that. How can you make it more fun, more creative, more varied, etc.? What can you do that no one has done before? How could you grow enthusiasm at work? What is a new way that you could do old things? What processes could you alter to save time, work and money?
1. Power Question. Keep a question like this at your desk to help you stay focused: “Am I making the most of my time right now?” or “Is this the most productive use of my time?”
2. Accept That You’ll Never Finish Your Task List. For perfectionists and overachievers this is as frustrating as a greyhound forever chasing the mechanical bunny around the track. Get off that track. Just make sure you work on your most important stuff first. Let the fluff slide, not your priorities.
3. Turn off Your Computer. “What?!” you say. “Everything is done on my computer!” Well is it really? What percentage truly is? Plan to have your computer on only for that amount of time each day. Plan out blocks of time for different computer tasks and work from a checklist to keep you focused. Giving your eyes a rest from the screen will give you more energy for creating. Even if you just close your eyes as you think of a response to an email can help too.
4. Do not Check Email First Thing. Unless this is required in your job, then let it go until after you have completed your top priority of the day. And then process email in batches, say two or three times a day.
5. Take Breaks. It is a fact that taking breaks will increase productivity. It has been proven in studies. If you need to, find someone to help ensure you take a morning and afternoon break.
6. Make the Most of Your Commute. How do you spend your commute? Make it positive time. Use it for reading, writing, creative thinking, creative projects, listen to audio books, or, heck, write your own book! If you enjoy your commute, that happiness will spill over into how you feel at work.
7. Planning. Establish a routine of planning your week and your day. This will allow you to have your most productive week all the time. Start your day an extra 15 minutes early to do this planning everyday. Write down the top 1-3 important things you must do that day. Plan your upcoming week on Sunday evening. The weekly plan does not have to be extremely detailed. Just include the major items.
8. Drop Unimportant Tasks. Delegate or delete the non-essential items from your to-do list. The best way to do this is to always do your most important things first. Somehow, miraculously, extraneous things will fall away.
9. Transitions. Make sure you plan in enough time between activities and appointments, and find ways to fail proof being on time.
10. Choose Happiness, Humor, Enthusiasm, Gratitude, Kindness, and a Positive Outlook. Being productive and competitive in business does not mean that you have to be serious all the time. Smiling does not mean you are not working hard. Enthusiasm does not mean you are not competitive. Being positive does not mean you are blind to challenges. Choose to enjoy your time at work. Find others who are like this and spread good cheer. It is contagious and it grows. Try to avoid gossip and negative chat. It can be tempting, but it does not serve anyone well, including yourself.
11. Cultivate Compassion for Negative Coworkers. People who are negative are that way for a reason. They may have difficulties you do not know about. Try to be compassionate and non-judging. If you are a manager, people still need to meet benchmarks, but you do not have to dislike them if they are not cutting it. When you encounter a negative person, you have the choice to either be affected by the negativity or to be the one who influences the other person. It is a decision. Choose to stay positive. Instead of saying (in your head or out loud) “Oh, that Suzy-Q! Her negativity always ruins my day,” try thinking “Poor Suzy-Q. She must have some difficulties. I wish her peace. In spite of her negativity I will try to be a positive influence around her.”
12. Pace Yourself, Especially on Bad Days. Go slow. Do not be in a hurry. Just take one thing at a time and keep moving forward. If you are having a really low day, you might even want to take care of yourself by playing hooky!
13. Take Everything in Stride. Deadlines, tough bosses, rude clients, slow computers. Do not make them into large dramas. Do not lament the challenges of the world. Simply accept that they are there, and just keep moving forward.
14. Conflicts with Others. Let your goal be “to make progress.” Do not get caught up in trying to “be right” or to “win” the argument. That will just slow you down. In your mind ask yourself, “what will move this conflict forward right now?” And then get busy doing that.
15. Take Your Vacation Time. Try doing something different. If you always go on a trip, try taking a more local vacation, and really get some good rest time. Or if you always stay local, try visiting a new place. Variety is one of the keys to happiness.
16. Pick Your Battles. Cliche, but true. It is kind of like “The Boy Who Cried Wolf.” When you complain or fight on everything, then your power to ask for things is diminished. Save it up for when you really need it.
17. Share Your Results. This is not about bragging, but about ensuring that you get credit for the hard work you do. Do not keep quiet thinking that the right people know what you are doing. Speak up and find ways to let the right people know how you are contributing to the success of the company.
18. Ask for Help. Do not be afraid to collaborate with others. Do not wait for your company to tell you what to do. Think creatively about how you can work with others to generate a greater result than if you had each worked on this alone.
19. Face the Tough Stuff Head On. If there is something difficult that you must do, just bite the bullet and do it. Do not put it off. Do it first thing in the day. It is like jumping into a cold pool. Just count to three and do it!
20. Ask for More Time. If you are asked a question that stumps you or surprises you, never feel like you have to answer it right away. (unless you absolutely must) Seek more time to think about or research your answer. Simple as this, “I’ll have to get back to you with an answer later.” This will save you from giving an answer you will regret.
21. Breaking Negative Habits. For one day, observe yourself. Where do you face difficulties? With people? Certain people? Certain circumstances? Take notice and then later on during some quiet time, think about one or two things you would like to work on. Set up some kind of reminder system to fail proof it, such as a simple yellow sticky note next to your computer.
22. Learn from Criticism. Do not immediately reject critiques from others, even if you do not like or respect them. Sometimes people you do not like may be giving you more honest feedback than you can get from others. Do not take it personally. Even if it is personal, who cares? Listen, process, and then decide what positive action you might want to take.
23. Adapt. Adaptation is the number one survival skill of living organisms. Those that do not adapt, become extinct. In the work world, the same is true for companies, whole groups, and for individuals. Be open to change. Give it a chance. Adapt to new things while using your experience to guide you, and you will have great success.
24. Learning and Improving. Always be on the lookout for opportunities to learn and improve your skills. Look for good seminars and training. Then ask work if you can attend and will they pay for your admission. If your company pays for education, use it! Borrow books from your local library, the company library, or even from your boss. Borrow some motivational audio tapes from your local library. Keep learning to continually renew your enthusiasm.
25. Creative Thinking. Is your job boring? If so, take some responsibility in changing that. How can you make it more fun, more creative, more varied, etc.? What can you do that no one has done before? How could you grow enthusiasm at work? What is a new way that you could do old things? What processes could you alter to save time, work and money?
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