~*~How In Love Are You ? ~*~

Millions of teenagers ask the question:
"How will I know I'm in love?"
As Dr. David R. Mace, executive director of the
American Association of Marriage Counselors, put it:
"It's always difficult to know for sure...
especially when you're young."

This quiz was prepared after extensive consultations with experts who have made wide-scale studies of this wonderful yet mysterious emotion. It should help a young person make that all-important decision: "Is it love or something else?"

Answer the following questions with Yes or No.

Choose Yes only if you have quite definite feelings about your answer. If there's some doubt in your mind, check No.

1. Did this thing happen all of a sudden?
2. Would you be very jealous and upset if someone else made a serious play for him or her?
3. When you aren't together, do you find yourself mooning around, unable to do much except sigh over your beau or belle?
4. Are you more in love when you are together than when you are by yourself?
5. Do you honestly feel that the boy or girl is just about the Most Perfect Person in the world?
6. Are you, on the whole, pretty unhappy at home with your parents?
7. Do you know how your heart-throb feels about money and children?
8. Do you find that, when it comes to this particular boy or girl, you are always anxious to appear at your best - that you are conscience about what you say and how you look and act?
9. Most people agree that there cannot be real love unless two people share common interest. But how about common miseries? Do both of you have a substantial number of complaints in common about homes, parents, school and other things in your life?
10. Suppose your beloved has gone on an extended trip and written you beautiful and affectionate letters. Would you show these around in your group?

Give yourself ten points for each No answer, zero for each Yes
except in Question 7, where it' ten for Yes and zero for No.

A score of:
70 -100 It looks like the real thing
50 - 60 Indicates some uncertainty may exist
0 - 40 The romance may grow into love, but it's not there yet!

Perhaps you thought Yes answers revealed true love. Not so!
It's the No reply that counts in each case except for Question 7.
Here is why, according to the experts.

1. Real love does not happen all of a sudden. When people say, "We fell in love the moment we met," they actually mean that each corresponded to a certain ideal image held by the other. Most of us create these ideals in our minds whether we realize it or not. Thus, when we find someone who looks, acts and talks the way we imagined this special individual would, we are attracted- but that's all it is. Love can develop, but it takes time.

2. Jealousy is not a sign of true love. One of the greatest mistakes young people can make is to believe that the more violent the jealousy, the stronger the love. Some jealousy is normal between two people who care deeply about each other. But jealousy is really possessiveness, not
love. Psychoanalyst Dr. Theodor Reik says that people who suffer acutely from jealousy often have an underlying sense of insecurity which leads to an overwhelming need to be loved. As a result, they can be extremely jealous even though they may not be in love at all.

3. Mooning, sighing and daydreaming are signs of infatuation, not love.
Here's why: Real love is centered around the other person, with your whole behavior directed toward his or her welfare and happiness. Thus, a boy or girl in love can study and work comfortably, knowing he or she is thereby contributing to the other's happiness. Infatuation, on
the other hand, is self-centered. The smitten one becomes absorbed in his own misery at being separated from the adored one or in daydreaming about her. He is in love with love, not a human being.

4. Love does not diminish when one is away from the loved one. If you love a person more when you are with him, chances are that your judgment is being influenced by the charm and excitement of his presence. When he is not around to dazzle you, some doubts emerge as Dr. David R. Mace, executive director of the American Association of Marriage Counselors, put it: if you feel this way, indications are the love is superficial.

5. Love is not really blind to a beloved's faults. The person in love knows and understands the other's shortcomings but cares deeply nonetheless. The infatuated person has a tendency to regard the adored one as flawless.

6. An unhappy home life can trick you into thinking you're in love. The files of marriage counselors are filled with cases of younger people who "fell in love" and married when all they really wanted was to escape from pressures they considered unbearable. For example, a young girl who is constantly battling with her parents sees her boyfriend as the rescuing knight in shining armor who will "take her away from all this." She isn't in love- she just wants out.

7. Love cannot always perch on Cloud: it must be practical, too. Two of the most crucial elements in a marriage, experts point out, are money and children. Young people seriously in love must know each other's views on these topics. If a couple hasn't talked them out, chances are the romance hasn't reached the real love stage.

8. Love does not make lovers ill at ease. Dr. Mace declares that when the way you are impressing the other person is the dominant concern in a relationship, real love is still distant. When you know you are loved for what you are, you feel at ease in the other's presence.

9. Being companions in misery is not the same as being in love. Marriage partners should be able to share miseries, but such sharing is not in itself love. All too frequently, young people mix up the two and enter into marriage simply because each has discovered a fellow sufferer with whom to unite against an unfriendly background.

10. Love is a private bond between two people. Authorities agree it can't be real if one party permits intimate details of a relationship to be made public. It may be a bit of prestige in the group, but hardly love.

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