Wearing The Pants
A young couple were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband -- who was a big burly man -- tossed his trousers to his bride and said, "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your trousers," she said. "That's right," said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said. "I can't get into your panties!" She replied, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to stay until your attitude changes."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your trousers," she said. "That's right," said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said. "I can't get into your panties!" She replied, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to stay until your attitude changes."
technorati tags: funny, jokes, joke, humor
JOB at The FBI
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
Agent: "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what
the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in
a chair. Kill her!"
Man: "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife!"
Agent: "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.The man came out with tears in his eyes.
Man: "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
Agent: "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.
Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
Woman: "This gun is loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair."
MORAL: Women are dangerous. Don't mess with them!
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
Agent: "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what
the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in
a chair. Kill her!"
Man: "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife!"
Agent: "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.The man came out with tears in his eyes.
Man: "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
Agent: "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.
Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
Woman: "This gun is loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair."
MORAL: Women are dangerous. Don't mess with them!
technorati tags: joke, funny, jokes, humor
Short Jokes
Marriages are made in heaven
then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage
-----------------------------------------------
During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.
---------------------------------------------------------
I wrote your name on the sand ............ .
it got washed away,
I wrote your name in air......... ......... ........
it got blown away,
So i wrote your name in my heart....... ......
I got a HEART ATTACK
---------------------------------------------------------------
LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in ashes...
But don't worry - we are chain smokers
-------------------------------------------------------------
your smile can be compared to a flower
your voice can be compared to a cuckoo
your innocence to a child
but in stupidity
you have no comparison
you r the best
------------------------------------------------------------
True love is like a pillow
you can hug when you r in trouble
you can cry on when you are in pain & you can embrace when you r happy
so when you need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Friend,
when I ask you a flower,
you give me bouquet
when I ask you a stone
you give me a statue
when I ask you a feather
you give me peacock
ARE YOU REALLY DEAF ?
------------------------------------------------------------
I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------
when I call you;
1 ring means I'm thinking of you;
2 ring means I like you;
3 means I miss you;
4 means .........pick the phone idiot
---------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher : four beautiful ladies are walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence ..
Student : WOW !
------------------------------------------------------------
The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born.... until you fall in love
--------------------------------------------------------
SMILE - is a language of love
SMILE - is a source to win hearts...
SMILE - creates greatness in your personality
SO....
Brush your Teeth today onwards
---------------------------------------------------------------
A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..
-------------------------------------------------------------
History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir....
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher : YOU failure ! @ your age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind you, Sir, but @ your age hitler commited suicide.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage
-----------------------------------------------
During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.
---------------------------------------------------------
I wrote your name on the sand ............ .
it got washed away,
I wrote your name in air......... ......... ........
it got blown away,
So i wrote your name in my heart....... ......
I got a HEART ATTACK
---------------------------------------------------------------
LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in ashes...
But don't worry - we are chain smokers
-------------------------------------------------------------
your smile can be compared to a flower
your voice can be compared to a cuckoo
your innocence to a child
but in stupidity
you have no comparison
you r the best
------------------------------------------------------------
True love is like a pillow
you can hug when you r in trouble
you can cry on when you are in pain & you can embrace when you r happy
so when you need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Friend,
when I ask you a flower,
you give me bouquet
when I ask you a stone
you give me a statue
when I ask you a feather
you give me peacock
ARE YOU REALLY DEAF ?
------------------------------------------------------------
I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------
when I call you;
1 ring means I'm thinking of you;
2 ring means I like you;
3 means I miss you;
4 means .........pick the phone idiot
---------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher : four beautiful ladies are walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence ..
Student : WOW !
------------------------------------------------------------
The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born.... until you fall in love
--------------------------------------------------------
SMILE - is a language of love
SMILE - is a source to win hearts...
SMILE - creates greatness in your personality
SO....
Brush your Teeth today onwards
---------------------------------------------------------------
A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..
-------------------------------------------------------------
History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir....
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher : YOU failure ! @ your age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind you, Sir, but @ your age hitler commited suicide.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Benefits of being a vegetarian
Being a Vegetarian
Just like any other diet, we recommend following the guidelines of the Food Guide Pyramid.
Did you know these facts?
What is a vegetarian?
Broadly defined, a vegetarian is a person who does not eat meat, poultry, and fish. Vegetarians eat mainly fruit, vegetables, legumes, grains, seeds, and nuts. Many vegetarians eat eggs and/or dairy products but avoid hidden animal products such as beef and chicken stocks, lard, and gelatin.
The American Dietetic Association (ADA) classifies vegetarians more specifically in the following ways:
Why are people vegetarians?
People are vegetarians for many reasons, including concern for personal health and the environment, economic and world hunger concerns, compassion for animals, belief in nonviolence, food preferences, or spiritual reasons. People may become vegetarians for one reason, and then later on adopt some of the other reasons as well.
What are the health benefits of a vegetarian diet?
According to the ADA, vegetarians are at lower risk for developing:
This is because a healthy vegetarian diet is typically low in fat and high in fiber. However, even a vegetarian diet can be high in fat if it includes excessive amounts of fatty snack foods, fried foods, whole milk dairy products, and eggs. Therefore, a vegetarian diet, like any healthy diet, must be well planned in order to help prevent and treat certain diseases.
Are there any health risks in becoming a vegetarian?
Though being a vegetarian can be a healthy lifestyle, care needs to be taken that this is not a step towards a generally more restrictive, disordered eating pattern. Be sure you fully understand why you are choosing vegetarianism.
Do vegetarians get proper nutrition?
The key to any healthy diet is to choose a wide variety of foods, and to consume enough calories to meet your energy needs. It is important for vegetarians to pay attention to these five categories in particular.
Protein
Protein is found in both plant foods and animal foods. The ADA has said that it is NOT necessary to combine specific foods within a meal in order to "complete" the amino acids profile of the proteins found in plant foods. Eating a wide variety of foods and enough calories during the day will fulfill your protein needs. Good sources of protein include whole grains, lentils, beans, tofu, low-fat dairy products, nuts, seeds, tempeh, eggs, and peas.
Calcium
The ADA recommends consuming at least 1300 mg of calcium per day - the equivalent of over 4 cups of milk or yogurt! Vegetarians can meet their calcium needs if they consume adequate amounts of low-fat and fat-free dairy products such as milk, yogurt, and cheese. Calcium is also found in many plant foods including dark, leafy greens (e.g. spinach, kale, mustard, collard and turnip greens, and bok choy), broccoli, beans, dried figs, and sunflower seeds, as well as in calcium-fortified cereals, cereal bars and some juices.
Vegans (people who don't eat any animal products) must strive to meet their daily calcium requirements by regularly including these plant sources of calcium in their diets. Many soy milk products are fortified with calcium, but be sure to check the label for this. You can also include a calcium supplement in your diet, which is available at the pharmacy in Health Services.
Vitamin D
Vitamin D helps your body absorb and use calcium. There are few foods that are naturally high in vitamin D, though. Therefore, dairy products in the US are fortified with vitamin D. Many soy milk products are also fortified with vitamin D. Your body can make its own vitamin D, but only when the skin is exposed to adequate sunlight (but that can have its own risks). People who do not consume dairy products and who do not receive direct exposure to sunlight regularly should consider taking supplemental vitamin D. This supplement should contain no more than 100% of the Recommended Daily Value, however, because larger doses can be dangerous. Both multivitamin supplements and calcium supplements with vitamin D are available at the pharmacy in Health Services
Iron
Iron-fortified breads and cereals, dark green vegetables (e.g. spinach and broccoli), dried fruits, prune juice, blackstrap molasses, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, and soybean nuts are good plant sources of iron. Consuming foods high in vitamin C, such as citrus fruits or juices, tomatoes, and green peppers helps your body absorb iron from these plant sources. Cooking food in iron pots and pans will also add to your iron intake.
Vitamin B-12
Vitamin B-12 is produced in animals and by bacteria in the soil. Vegetarians who consume dairy products and/or eggs usually get enough B-12 since it is found in these foods. Vegans, however, should add vitamin B-12 fortified soy milk to their diets. Regularly taking a broad-spectrum multivitamin and mineral supplement (available at the pharmacy in Health Services) will also supply the necessary amount of B-12.
What about athletes?
Being both an athlete and a vegetarian can be challenging, especially for vegans. It can be difficult to eat a volume of food high enough to meet an athlete's high caloric needs. Vegetarians who participate in sports should be aware of their increased energy needs, and should make a concerted effort to consume sufficient calories. Click for info on sports nutrition.
How do I become a vegetarian?
Some people stop eating meat "cold turkey." Others may prefer to make dietary changes more gradually. However you choose to make the change, you can begin to achieve the health benefits of vegetarianism by significantly cutting down on the amount of meats consumed, and making vegetables, fruits, legumes, and whole grains the focus of your meals. The ADA suggests the following tips for following a vegetarian diet:
What are some options for a tasty vegetarian meal?
Becoming a vegetarian can be as easy as you choose to make it. Whether you enjoy preparing elaborate meals or choose quick and easy ones, vegetarian meals can be very satisfying. In order to make meal preparation easier, the ADA suggests having the following foods on hand:
Just like any other diet, we recommend following the guidelines of the Food Guide Pyramid.
Did you know these facts?
- Vegetarian foods are a major source of nutrition for most people in the world.
- Vegetarians have lower rates of heart disease and some forms of cancer than non-vegetarians.
- Vegetarian diets can be simple and easy to prepare.
What is a vegetarian?
Broadly defined, a vegetarian is a person who does not eat meat, poultry, and fish. Vegetarians eat mainly fruit, vegetables, legumes, grains, seeds, and nuts. Many vegetarians eat eggs and/or dairy products but avoid hidden animal products such as beef and chicken stocks, lard, and gelatin.
The American Dietetic Association (ADA) classifies vegetarians more specifically in the following ways:
Vegans or strict vegetarians exclude all animal products (e.g. meat, poultry, fish, eggs, milk, cheese, and other dairy products). Many vegans also do not eat honey.
Lactovegetarians exclude meat, poultry, fish, and eggs but include dairy products.
Lacto-ovovegetarians exclude meat, poultry, and fish but include dairy products and eggs. Most vegetarians in the US are lacto-ovovegetarians.
Why are people vegetarians?
People are vegetarians for many reasons, including concern for personal health and the environment, economic and world hunger concerns, compassion for animals, belief in nonviolence, food preferences, or spiritual reasons. People may become vegetarians for one reason, and then later on adopt some of the other reasons as well.
What are the health benefits of a vegetarian diet?
According to the ADA, vegetarians are at lower risk for developing:
- Heart disease
- Colorectal, ovarian, and breast cancers
- Diabetes
- Obesity
- Hypertension (high blood pressure)
This is because a healthy vegetarian diet is typically low in fat and high in fiber. However, even a vegetarian diet can be high in fat if it includes excessive amounts of fatty snack foods, fried foods, whole milk dairy products, and eggs. Therefore, a vegetarian diet, like any healthy diet, must be well planned in order to help prevent and treat certain diseases.
Are there any health risks in becoming a vegetarian?
Though being a vegetarian can be a healthy lifestyle, care needs to be taken that this is not a step towards a generally more restrictive, disordered eating pattern. Be sure you fully understand why you are choosing vegetarianism.
Do vegetarians get proper nutrition?
The key to any healthy diet is to choose a wide variety of foods, and to consume enough calories to meet your energy needs. It is important for vegetarians to pay attention to these five categories in particular.
Protein
Protein is found in both plant foods and animal foods. The ADA has said that it is NOT necessary to combine specific foods within a meal in order to "complete" the amino acids profile of the proteins found in plant foods. Eating a wide variety of foods and enough calories during the day will fulfill your protein needs. Good sources of protein include whole grains, lentils, beans, tofu, low-fat dairy products, nuts, seeds, tempeh, eggs, and peas.
Calcium
The ADA recommends consuming at least 1300 mg of calcium per day - the equivalent of over 4 cups of milk or yogurt! Vegetarians can meet their calcium needs if they consume adequate amounts of low-fat and fat-free dairy products such as milk, yogurt, and cheese. Calcium is also found in many plant foods including dark, leafy greens (e.g. spinach, kale, mustard, collard and turnip greens, and bok choy), broccoli, beans, dried figs, and sunflower seeds, as well as in calcium-fortified cereals, cereal bars and some juices.
Vegans (people who don't eat any animal products) must strive to meet their daily calcium requirements by regularly including these plant sources of calcium in their diets. Many soy milk products are fortified with calcium, but be sure to check the label for this. You can also include a calcium supplement in your diet, which is available at the pharmacy in Health Services.
Vitamin D
Vitamin D helps your body absorb and use calcium. There are few foods that are naturally high in vitamin D, though. Therefore, dairy products in the US are fortified with vitamin D. Many soy milk products are also fortified with vitamin D. Your body can make its own vitamin D, but only when the skin is exposed to adequate sunlight (but that can have its own risks). People who do not consume dairy products and who do not receive direct exposure to sunlight regularly should consider taking supplemental vitamin D. This supplement should contain no more than 100% of the Recommended Daily Value, however, because larger doses can be dangerous. Both multivitamin supplements and calcium supplements with vitamin D are available at the pharmacy in Health Services
Iron
Iron-fortified breads and cereals, dark green vegetables (e.g. spinach and broccoli), dried fruits, prune juice, blackstrap molasses, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, and soybean nuts are good plant sources of iron. Consuming foods high in vitamin C, such as citrus fruits or juices, tomatoes, and green peppers helps your body absorb iron from these plant sources. Cooking food in iron pots and pans will also add to your iron intake.
Vitamin B-12
Vitamin B-12 is produced in animals and by bacteria in the soil. Vegetarians who consume dairy products and/or eggs usually get enough B-12 since it is found in these foods. Vegans, however, should add vitamin B-12 fortified soy milk to their diets. Regularly taking a broad-spectrum multivitamin and mineral supplement (available at the pharmacy in Health Services) will also supply the necessary amount of B-12.
What about athletes?
Being both an athlete and a vegetarian can be challenging, especially for vegans. It can be difficult to eat a volume of food high enough to meet an athlete's high caloric needs. Vegetarians who participate in sports should be aware of their increased energy needs, and should make a concerted effort to consume sufficient calories. Click for info on sports nutrition.
How do I become a vegetarian?
Some people stop eating meat "cold turkey." Others may prefer to make dietary changes more gradually. However you choose to make the change, you can begin to achieve the health benefits of vegetarianism by significantly cutting down on the amount of meats consumed, and making vegetables, fruits, legumes, and whole grains the focus of your meals. The ADA suggests the following tips for following a vegetarian diet:
- Choose whole-grain products (e.g. whole wheat bread, brown rice, or whole-grain cereals instead of refined or white grains.
- Eat a wide variety of foods.
- If you eat dairy products, choose non-fat or low-fat varieties.
- Limit intake of eggs to 3-4 yolks/week.
- Limit intake of sweets and high fat foods.
- When shopping for food, plan ahead, shop with a list and read food labels.
- Many vegetarian foods can be found in any grocery store. Specialty food stores may carry some of the more uncommon items, as well as many vegetarian convenience foods.
What are some options for a tasty vegetarian meal?
Becoming a vegetarian can be as easy as you choose to make it. Whether you enjoy preparing elaborate meals or choose quick and easy ones, vegetarian meals can be very satisfying. In order to make meal preparation easier, the ADA suggests having the following foods on hand:
- Ready-to-eat, whole-grain breakfast cereals, and quick-cooking whole-grain cereals such as oatmeal
- Whole-grain breads and crackers, such as rye, whole wheat, and mixed grain
- Other grains such as barley and bulgur wheat
- Canned beans, such as pinto, black beans, and garbanzo beans
- Rice (including brown, wild, etc.)
- Pasta (now available in whole wheat, spinach, and other flavors) with tomato sauce and canned beans and/or chopped veggies
- Corn or flour tortillas
- Vegetarian soups like lentil or minestrone
- Plain frozen vegetables
- Frozen fruit juice concentrate
- Nut spreads (e.g. peanut or almond butter)
- Canned and frozen fruit
The Pastor's Mother
An elderly woman walked into the local country church the friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.
"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
"The front row please," she answered.
"You really don't want to do that", the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
"No," he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No," she said.
"Thank god," he answered.
"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
"The front row please," she answered.
"You really don't want to do that", the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
"No," he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No," she said.
"Thank god," he answered.
WORDS WOMEN USE
FINE
this is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and
you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only
five minutes if you have j ust been given 5 more minutes to watch the
game before helping around the house.
NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you
should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually
end in "Fine"
GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over "Nothing"
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to
a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.
Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they
can avoid if they remember the terminology!
And send it to your women friends to give them a good laugh!
Oh, and before we forget
"Whatever"
…it's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!
this is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and
you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only
five minutes if you have j ust been given 5 more minutes to watch the
game before helping around the house.
NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you
should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually
end in "Fine"
GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over "Nothing"
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to
a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.
Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they
can avoid if they remember the terminology!
And send it to your women friends to give them a good laugh!
Oh, and before we forget
"Whatever"
…it's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!
Ten tips to build English vocabulary
Feeling overwhelmed trying to memorize so many vocabulary words? It doesn't need to be a daunting task! Check out these top strategies and practical pointers that can help you build your word power!
Connect: It's easier to memorize words based on a common theme. Make your own connections between words and possibly organize them in a spider diagram.
Write: Practically using vocabulary can help it stick in your mind. Write sentences with new vocabulary words or compose a story using a group of words or expressions.
Draw: Expose the artist in you by drawing pictures related to the words you study. Your drawings can help trigger your memory in the future.
Act: Get your moves on by acting out words and expressions you learn. Or, imagine and act out a situation where you would need to use them.
Create: Design flashcards in English and study them in your spare time. Each week make new ones, but continue to review all of them.
Associate: Assign different colors to different words. This association will help you recall vocabulary later.
Listen: Think about other words which sound similar to the words you're learning, especially complex words. Associate the other words with this new word to help you remember the pronunciation.
Choose: Remember that topics that interest you will be easier to learn. Therefore, carefully select words that you will find useful or interesting. Even the process of making the choice is a memory aid!
Limit: Don't try to memorize the dictionary in a day! Limit yourself to 15 words per day, and you'll gain confidence instead of feeling overwhelmed.
Observe: Keep an eye out for the words you're studying when reading or listening to English.
Connect: It's easier to memorize words based on a common theme. Make your own connections between words and possibly organize them in a spider diagram.
Write: Practically using vocabulary can help it stick in your mind. Write sentences with new vocabulary words or compose a story using a group of words or expressions.
Draw: Expose the artist in you by drawing pictures related to the words you study. Your drawings can help trigger your memory in the future.
Act: Get your moves on by acting out words and expressions you learn. Or, imagine and act out a situation where you would need to use them.
Create: Design flashcards in English and study them in your spare time. Each week make new ones, but continue to review all of them.
Associate: Assign different colors to different words. This association will help you recall vocabulary later.
Listen: Think about other words which sound similar to the words you're learning, especially complex words. Associate the other words with this new word to help you remember the pronunciation.
Choose: Remember that topics that interest you will be easier to learn. Therefore, carefully select words that you will find useful or interesting. Even the process of making the choice is a memory aid!
Limit: Don't try to memorize the dictionary in a day! Limit yourself to 15 words per day, and you'll gain confidence instead of feeling overwhelmed.
Observe: Keep an eye out for the words you're studying when reading or listening to English.
Diary of A Young Wife
Monday:
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home.
It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.
Tuesday:
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.
Wednesday:
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.
Thursday:
Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe.
It said, prepare ingredients,
then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right.I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I'll try to be supportive.
Friday:
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did,to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it.
Saturday:
Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really
stressed because of his work, or he wanted the chicken to dance.
When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "why me? why me ?"
Hmmm....It must be his job.
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home.
It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.
Tuesday:
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.
Wednesday:
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.
Thursday:
Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe.
It said, prepare ingredients,
then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right.I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I'll try to be supportive.
Friday:
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did,to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it.
Saturday:
Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really
stressed because of his work, or he wanted the chicken to dance.
When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "why me? why me ?"
Hmmm....It must be his job.
technorati tags: joke, jokes, humor, relationship, funny, fun
Funny Poems =)
I wrote your name on sand, it got washed
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away, then
I wrote your name on my heart and I got heart attack.
God saw me hungry, He created pizza
He saw me thirsty, He created Pepsi
He saw me in the dark, He created light
He saw me without problems, He created YOU.
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
The rain makes all things beautiful,
The grass and flowers too
If rain makes all things beautiful,
Why doesn'tit rain on you?
Roses are red, violets are blue
Monkeys like you should be kept in zoo
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but laughing at you,
When your life is in the darkness,
Pray to God ask Him to free you from the darkness,
And if after you pray and you are still in the
darkness,
Please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL!!!
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away, then
I wrote your name on my heart and I got heart attack.
God saw me hungry, He created pizza
He saw me thirsty, He created Pepsi
He saw me in the dark, He created light
He saw me without problems, He created YOU.
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
The rain makes all things beautiful,
The grass and flowers too
If rain makes all things beautiful,
Why doesn't
Roses are red, violets are blue
Monkeys like you should be kept in zoo
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but laughing at you,
When your life is in the darkness,
Pray to God ask Him to free you from the darkness,
And if after you pray and you are still in the
darkness,
Please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL!!!
technorati tags: poems, joke, humor, funny, jokes
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
