Wife and Husband

1. Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for?
   Husband: Nothing.
   Wife: Nothing...?? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour??
   Husband: I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
2. Q - What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?
   A - One Woman Brings you into this world crying... and the other ensures you continue to do so.
3. Wife: Do you want dinner?
   Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
   Wife: Yes and no.
4. Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
   Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, Ilook at your picture and the problem disappears.
   Wife: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
   Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What otherproblem can there be greater than this one?"
5. Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
   Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.
   Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
   
6. Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
   Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
   Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
7. A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?""Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU the FORTUNE"
8. Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
   Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
9. Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
   Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married
   Millionaire: "Billionaire"
10. Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever
    The guy replies: Thanks for the warning. Hahahahaha
11. A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body?"
    He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor.